November Update

Happy Veteran’s Day!  Thank God for the men and women who have volunteered to defend and protect us as members in the armed services.  I pray that they come home safely! And many thanks to those who are here.
Once more, I am in northern Minnesota, looking for evidence of the direct interactions of weakly interacting massive particles with germanium crystals, a half mile underground in an old iron mine.  Winter is approaching.  The snow doesn’t really stick to the ground yet, although we’ve had a few flurries and some rainstorms, but temperatures are dropping… 

Today is Sunday, and - missing my own church family - I had the chance to go and worship with some of nearby residents!

I don’t know if I’ve ever been to an Evangelical Lutheran Church before, but the people were really nice, and I made some new friends.  Some of the members were friends with one of of the men we work with in the mines, who I learned is also a believer.  So it was also pretty wild to discover, once again, that it’s a small world after all.

The reason I mentioned that it was an Evangelical Lutheran church is that when I arrived I was surprised and intrigued by the clergy and the sanctuary.  The pastor was dressed in robes, as usual.  But the assistant pastor (or deacon?) was dressed in a white linen garment with a rope belt, kind of reminiscent of a Catholic monk.  Meanwhile, at the front, there was a cross sitting on the altar, but also, on the wall behind, a painting of the Transfiguration of Jesus (maybe this one –> http://n-dl.narod.ru/08_eng.htm) - one of the ones that looks like “Jesus doing parkour in the air“ (not my quote! lol).  The service was very structured, with a lot of call and response.  It was a pretty interesting experience.
After the pastor finished preaching today they held communion.  Being a part of the body of Christ, I was preparing to join in, but I was kind of dismayed when both the pastor and the assistant pastor both drank directly out of the cup…
…and so there I was, not knowing exactly what to do but following my pew-mates down the aisle.  As we moved to the front of the church I felt kind of committed, though all the while still wondering if it was too late to go to the bathroom, or if it was still communion if I only ate the wafer…and (not really helping matters) I was completely at the end of the line…  I wouldn’t say I was desperate as the local constituents knelt at the foot of the altar but it was definitely awkward at the very least.  Imagine my relief when the pastor and his assistants brought out the usual trays of separate little wine cups for all - HOLLAPRAIZE! aka “Thank you Jesus!” (pretty sure I said that or something similar audibly in the church service LOL) Thank God for the little things – and I really do think He has a sense of humor for sure…
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Pictures by:  Danielle Speller

Eternity

He has made everything beautiful in its time.
Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:12

But, as it is written,
“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him – ”
These things God has revealed to us through the Spirit.

1 Corinthians 2:9-10

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Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version ® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.  Used by permission.  All rights reserved.

Photo by:  Danielle Speller

La Vida de luchas

Well, well, well.  Second week of blogging in a row.

I don't really feel like saying anything about what I'm really thinking about today. I just decided to hint at it with the title "the life of struggles".  I put it in Spanish so that people would have to figure out what it said.  Since it could mean just about anything, even if they figure out the title, there isn't much to go on.  So this post could really be just singularly uninformative.  On the other hand, at least it appears that I'm in the process of establishing a regular posting routine.  So when I think of something that I actually want to post, there'll be a better chance of it actually making it online.  Theoretically, that is.

Any way, that is all.  Thanks for reading.  One of these days, I'm sure your efforts will be rewarded.

Bon Courage

One of the interesting things about life is that it's not a game, stuff happens, and when it does you have to turn to your source of strength (which is hopefully the Lord, the one true God), pick it up, and keep it moving.  You can't fast forward to the good parts, and you can't hit the reset button.  Almost every decision hinges on the last.  You can't just decide you don't want to play anymore.
Life takes courage.
Maybe that's why thankfulness is such a big deal to God.  And not just thankfulness that your situation isn't as bad as someone else's - that's all relative. One man's palace could be another man's prison, while the humble hut of a poor man could be a rich man's sanctuary.   You just really never know.
So I guess it should really just be a genuine thankfulness for life, for love, and for redemption. It's easy to say, but sometimes very hard to remember, especially when things seem crazy.  And so...

I will bless the Lord at all times!
His praise shall continually be in my mouth!
My soul will make her boast in the Lord; the humble shall hear thereof and be glad.
Oh, magnify the Lord with me - let us exalt His name forever!

I meant to post this a while ago

So ThatPsych guy bought me the first season of BigBangTheory for my birthday. :) It arrived the following Wednesday. So, let's just say I'd seen the entire season's worth of episodes by that next Sunday....

I think people should know

  I frequently wonder if people think that I don't feel things or don't care about things because I try not to wear my feelings on my sleeves. It's funny how in some cultures, stoicism is seen as as sign of strength, while in others, it's seen as borderline heartless.
  I do not subscribe to it as a philosophy, make no substantial claims to the first perspective, and certainly dispute the latter. There are enough Trekkies out there who know that Spock's emotions may be frequently undiscernable, but they definitely exist (just..lightening the mood ;) ).

  At any rate, I would submit the following for your consideration.

1.  Some people may have grown up learning that "[mature] Christians can't have bad days", or repeatedly misinterpreted statements to that effect.  As a result, there can be considerable conflict in the resolution of yielding to negative feelings beyond what is involuntary as "carnal indugence" (that may be a little strong, but you get the idea) rather than "part of being human".  Of course, that opens up all kinds of other avenues for doctrinal discussion.
2.  "Big girls don't cry".  Come on, there was even a kiddie shampoo commercial about this.
3.  Some people (and yes, I may be referring to myself for some or many of these statements) have an overdeveloped sense of dread at "performing" poorly in social situations*.  I sometimes think about conversations I had or things that I did for days afterward, grimacing at statements that I made "in the moment" that must surely have rubbed someone the wrong way or displayed some ineptitude at social grace.  *I wasn't raised this way; I'll have to ask the Lord to help me get back out of it...
4. Some people don't trust others with their feelings, secrets, or emotions.  To some extent, I here intentionally separate feelings and emotions.
5. Some people may dislike the additional attention incurred upon the expression of emotions or feelings in public.
7. To some extent, I believe that indulging in negative feelings at the time of disaster compromises my ability to function as necessary in that setting.
8. I don't want to explain what happened to everyone. It's a personal affair. 
9. I don't want you to get offended because I was accidentally (or purposefully) rude to you because I was having a bad day, and have to go back and apologize or be misunderstood.  Forever.
10.  I don't really like to appear vulnerable to those beyond my intimate circle.  Unfortunately, I also don't always know how to let people into that circle.  At times it can be a pretty small circle. 
11.  There aren't really a lot of "safe spaces" for expression.
12.  Not everyone is really interested in your problems.  There is a legitimate danger of "oversharing" with the wrong people.
13.  "Fine" seems to be the correct answer to "How are you?" in most circumstances.  From what I've heard, this is especially true if you grew up in the South.
14.  You have to stay in faith; and you have what you say, and as Christians, we're not moved by what we see.  I should find the Scripture references for this to add to this blog post, and I'm not being facetious or irreverent; there are situations where I honestly don't want to say anything that would compromise my stand on a situation or God's opportunity to work in my life because of a lack of faith.  So, sometimes stating what is naturally obvious actually does come into conflict with my beliefs.
15.  I am uncomfortable posting sad news on social media.  That's unfortunate, since (especially due to distance) it's now the primary means of communication with most of the people I know.

When my mom died, I saw it on a number of different levels that I have yet to discuss with anyone.  Convolutions of various past conversations.  Aspects of spiritual warfare.  Theories of how this could have come to be.  Loss.  Sadness.  Incredulity.  Defeat.  Anger.  Disappointment.  Sabotage.  Failure.  And more.

At some point in my life I learned to compartmentalize, and during that time, it seemed like the best thing to do.  I had, and still have, my reasons.  It's not to say I haven't dealt with it.  I have at times.  And I'm still dealing with it now.

Obviously, some of the above is wrong.  And today, I admit to being wrong.  Everyone is wrong sometimes.  It's something else I'm trying to get over.  So maybe some of it is misguided.  But not all of it.

So before you judge me, just take the above as an explanation for my behavior and give me some time.  I was very honest here for what is potentially a publicly searchable forum.  And based on the above, there's no guarantee that this post will stay posted forever.   Nevertheless, Jesus will help me.

Okay.  Well, signing off.  Love to all,
Dani

There was a story in the local news a while back about a missing grad student in the *** department. No one knew where he was, hadn't seen him show up for work, he hadn't turned up for planned outings with friends. People were worried.

A few days later he was spotted chilling in a nearby town, apparently unharmed.
As far as anyone can tell, apparently one day he just decided to walk away from it all. I guess he'd just... Had enough.

You never know what's going on with people.

Diction

The stranger beside me started gathering his bags. I had an urge to ask him,

"Are you preparing to disembark?"
Too formal.
"You fixing' to get off here?"
No...
I settled for something in between.
"Are you getting off at the next stop?"
"Yes", he replied. "I'm getting off at BART. Thank you."

Oh for the courage to shun first impressions and throw caution to the wind...

It's been a while

Generally speaking, I like to post well thought out, carefully worded blogs about topics that I have considered at some length before airing my opinions before the world. Alas, the commitment required by such an undertaking usually results in long delays, while half-written posts lie dormant in my account, not yet up to the almost perfectionist standards that I set for them. So, since blogs are supposed to be a bit more casual than that, and a way to let people just know what's going on, I guess I'll try to lighten up a bit and cast a line here and there. This blogger app and the iPhone from the fam (@teacherally, @thatpsychguy!) will certainly help in letting me us those in-between moments of life to communicate on the go. So, Happy belated New Year, every one! God bless!
Cheers
:)